One, two, three.....

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty, thirty-one,

I was told that good writers will make it a point to write a thousand words every day. Okay, lemme see, where was I? Fifty-six, fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine, sixty, sixty-one, sixty-two, sixty-three, sixty-four, sixty-five, sixty-six, sixty-seven, sixty-eight, sixty-nine, seventy

Ya know what sucks? You can’t just drag and extend the words to automatically be continuous like you can with actual numbers in an Excel spreadsheet! Fortunately, there is a word count at the bottom of the page to help me keep my place! So let’s continue. One hundred twenty, one hundred twenty-one, one hundred twenty-two, one hundred twenty-three, one hundred twenty-four, one hundred twenty-five, one hundred twenty-six, one hundred twenty-seven, one hundred twenty-eight, one hundred twenty-nine………

WAIT!!!!!!! We have a major problem!!!!!! Do you realize that “one hundred twenty-five” is FOUR words!!!! So even if I type one thousand words, I will end up being over by a ratio of four to one! Damn! Okay, I have no idea what to do now. I mean, I flunked algebra in high school. Which has a central bearing as to why I prefer to be a writer as opposed to an engineer. Of course, I would like to be an engineer. I love trains! But the numbers do me in every time. It’s a wonder I have never been audited on my income tax filings. I guess 1040-EZ was totally designed for EB!

So Halloween is coming, in case you weren’t aware. Warning! Overweight men will be dressing up in spandex attempting to pretend they are Spiderman or Wolverine! Fashion Police, be ready to issue citations!

Speaking of Halloween, have you seen the Snickers candy commercial with the two kids dressed up in a old lady costume hanging out in the candy isle? Am I the only one that thinks this rates as seriously creepy? First, the way the kids reach out and stroke the “What the hell is this ugly creature doing touching me?” shopper’s face screams of Chester the Molester! Second, I know I am not the only one that sees this hideous costume resembling a cross between a reject from “Where the Wild Things Are” and a cracked-out, Od’d leftover from Pink Floyd’s “The Wall”! Now that’s scary! And to think someone gets paid for coming up with those ideas. Or even worse, someone was stupid enough to buy such an idea….Hmmm, wait! I have a new career path to pursue!

Four hundred forty-four, four hundred forty-five, four hundred forty-six, four hundred forty-seven, four hundred forty-eight, four hundred forty-nine, four hundred fifty! So I am actually totally lost on how many words I have written. Have wrote or have written? Is this a classic case of tomato, tomato? Hmm, I just now realized that tomato, tomato loses something in written form. And besides, the Word proofreader says it’s “Have Written”, just for the record. But the good news is I am now over the halfway mark!

I guess if I follow the format I am doing right now, writer’s block should never be an issue. I mean, how can you justify not having anything to write about if all you write about is wondering if you have written the right amount? OUCH! I thing I just sprained my brain. Kinda like when you eat ice cream too fast.

I’ll be going into the hospital soon for a surgery, but not to have my tonsils taken out. I wonder if they will still give me ice cream? Oh well, either way, I know I will get plenty of time to practice on a thousand words a day. I will be big and strong by the time I am released. Then look out world! Stand back, Dave Barry! There’s a new kid in town! (By the way, I think I should not use abbreviated words like “there’s” or I’m” because in the end I am just cheating myself out of words.

Six hundred eighty-five, six hundred eighty-five, six hundred eighty-six, six hundred eighty-seven, six hundred eighty-eight, six hundred eighty-nine, six hundred seventy. Whew! I’m getting thirsty! I need a drink. Maybe I’ll get one of those Monster energy drinks. By the way, why do I see so many cars with a Monster logo sticker on it? Is this some sort of sponsorship? Are these cars making money by brandishing the fantastic Monster logo? If so, this is a good thing because some of the cars I have seen could really use the money! Kinda like some shoppers at Wal-Mart could really use some fashion advice. Speaking of fashion trends, isn’t interesting to see that both Marc Anthony & J-Lo are introducing their own clothing lines? Was this part of the divorce settlement? Or worse, was this written into the prenuptials? Marc gets the house, J-Lo gets a Fiat and you both must sell cheap clothing to the masses!

Eight hundred forty-one, eight hundred forty-two,  eight hundred forty-three, eight hundred forty-four, eight hundred forty-five, eight hundred forty-six, eight hundred forty-seven, eight hundred forty-eight, eight hundred forty-nine, eight hundred fifty. Yea, this ain’t as easy as it looks! But what the heck else am I to do? I mean, this is what you get when you have insomnia at one o’clock in the morning and can’t fall to sleep?

Well, as I look at the word count, I only have eighty words to go. Wait! Seventy-five, seventy-four, seventy three, seventy two. Hey! If I don’t use the dash between words, I double my word count! Kick ass!

So I guess these exercises are pretty helpful! I feel so much more relaxed now. Glad I passed on the energy drink or else I’d be awake for the rest of the night….or morning, since technically it’s now two-o’clock. And for my next blog, I will discover what the “o” means in “o’clock”! Good morning!  

“I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.” – Audre Lorde. So go out today and be deliberate. Be someone wonderful. Be someone who others look at and say “I wish I had what they have!” Go do one act of kindness to a stranger. Live life, don’t let life live you! Drop me a comment and tell me of your good deed for the day.